Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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