I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
