she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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