Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
