There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
