remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
