i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize