So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
