The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm always down for nudity.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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