...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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