Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
