I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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