im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
