Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
