i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
