whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
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