I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Where did you get a picture of my penis
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
