What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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