Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
