Jerry, you need to find god
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
