this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
