We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
