just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
