Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
