im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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