a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
