Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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