It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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