I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
