I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
