Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
