Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
