big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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