Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
