i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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