Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
