If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
