i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
