Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
