I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
