even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Still dying that you shit outside
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
