Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
