you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
