If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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