I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize