so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
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This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
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I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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