and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
