He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
