I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize