When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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