youre lurking in front of me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
