Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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