I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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