She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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