I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So much rum. So many feels.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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