Your mouth is God's brothel.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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