For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
