He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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