The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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