Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
