I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
