I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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