i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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