On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
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He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
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Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Text me some of your sweat
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