Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
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These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
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I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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