i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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