i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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