if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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