oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
