I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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