My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
