If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
