I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm at about main and main street
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
